MOTHERS AND PARENTING

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I was a little concerned about this talk becoming a “Mother’s Day” talk. In preparing for my remarks, I asked a lot of people this question, “What is the best thing your dad ever did?” Most everyone said, “He married my mother.” So, I think we should get something clear right up front. We fathers concede the point – mothers are definitely the best people in the entire world.

While preparing, I also thought about plenty of things I have done wrong as a father. Things you think about and say, “Now, why did I do that!” 

On one occasion, our son Michael was in our bedroom when I arrived home late one night. Mavis was in bed and Michael was pleasantly visiting with her about the events of the day. As I was getting ready for bed, I removed my belt and had a brilliant idea. I put the belt around Michael’s neck and pretended like I was choking him from behind. I whispered in his ear to pretend he was blacking out. Mavis became very upset and instructed me to stop - immediately! Naturally, this only encouraged my misbehavior. Michael was doing a fantastic job of acting out his part. He even collapsed and fell into the closet. By this time Mavis was hysterical. I tried to calm her down by telling her we were just joking and her boy was just fine. Looking into the closet, I said, “Right, Michael? Michael?” 

Unfortunately, I really chocked him out and it took a few seconds for him to come to. We don’t believe there was any brain damage. The kid grew up and became a doctor.  

As holders of the priesthood, we have been given the priesthood assignment to preside over our families. Just like the President Monson is responsible for the overall care and welfare of the church, just like Bishop Maxwell is the shepherd of the Huntsville First Ward, so we are held responsible and accountable as fathers for the overall care of our families. 

Additionally, I believe the advice we receive in the scriptures and especially in Doctrine and Covenants, Section 121 can be directly applied to our responsibilities as fathers. We learn a lot about being good fathers as we study the scriptures and see how Heavenly Father has instructed His children. Obviously, He is the great role model. He is the perfect father. 

So, let’s examine the words of the Lord as found in Section 121, starting with Verses 7&8.  These were comforting words from the Lord to the Prophet Joseph Smith concerning his persecutors 

7 My son, apeace be unto thy soul; thine badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a csmall moment; 

 8 And then, if thou aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy bfoes. 

I could not help but think for a minute that these are also comforting words for us who have the privilege and blessing of raising teenagers. 

Verse 33 is magnificent language in illustrating that there is nothing man can do to prevent the Lord from bestowing revelation and knowledge upon the heads and hearts of Latter-day Saint fathers. 

33 How long can rolling waters remain impure? What apower shall stay the heavens? As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to bhinderthe cAlmighty from pouring down dknowledgefrom heaven upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints.  

What a tremendous and beautiful blessing for those of us that preside over our family units with precious sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. 

I can remember on one occasion learning of one of my children about to go on a date with a certain individual. I felt so uncomfortable about it and I believe was impressed by the Spirit to call and advise that child not to go on the date. Can you imagine, the day of the date making a phone call like that. Yet, the Lord can give fathers revelation as it pertains to their family. I am so grateful that child heeded the advice and cancelled the date. Someday we might know why that was important inspiration. But, for right now, all I know is that a member of my family benefited from revelation given from the Lord to one of his priesthood fathers. 

In a day and age when evil is rampant, when Satan is waging his war like never before, revelation for our families is one of our greatest blessings.

Verses 34 – 36 conditionally guarantee us the blessings of the priesthood.  Certain conditions exist. 

34 Behold, there are many acalled, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen? 

35 Because their aheartsare set so much upon the things of this bworld, and caspireto the dhonors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson— 

36 That the arightsof the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be bcontrolled nor handled only upon the cprinciples of righteousness. 

As fathers we cannot place the things of the world and the honors of men over the importance and duty to care for our families. When we misplace our priorities we begin to lose the rights that are normally associated with the priesthood. 

President David O. McKay said it very succinctly:

“When one puts business or pleasure above his home, he that moment starts on the downgrade to soul-weakness. When the club becomes more attractive to any man than his home, it is time for him to confess in bitter shame that he has failed to measure up to the supreme opportunity of his life and flunked in the final test of true manhood. No other success can compensate for failure in the home. The poorest shack in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than any other riches. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles.”

I can well remember the day many years ago when our oldest children were just kids. One summer day, we splurged and took the whole family to a great amusement park. We rode the roller coasters, ate junk food, bought souvenirs and then topped off the day with dinner at a Japanese steak house. It was non-stop fun from morning till late at night.  

That night I made the rounds to the beds of each of the children. It was always a good time to visit for a minute or two before they went to sleep. That night I asked each of the children what they liked most about our fun-filled, super activity. There were a number of answers that reflected the excitement of that day, but, there is one answer I will never forget. One of the kids said, “Laying down with you, dad.” It was a powerful lesson to me that nothing the world has to offer can take the place of the attention and love of a parent.

As fathers, we must live worthy to have needed revelation and the priesthood active in our lives. I often think about the request that most certainly comes from time to time, “Dad, I am not feeling well. Can you give me a priesthood blessing.”, or the telephone call, “Dad, I am having a difficult time with something in my life. Will you give me a father’s blessing.” As fathers we need to be ready, humble and worthy. The Lord has said, “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.”

Verse 37 is very clear on what we must avoid:

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to acoverour bsins, or to gratify our cpride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or ddominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens ewithdrawthemselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

We cannot afford to push aside our sins. We need to humbly recognize our shortcomings and deal with them. We need to set the example to our children of how to be repentant and demonstrate we can improve our lives. Part of our responsibilities as fathers is to set a proper example. Our words and actions become powerful models for our children.

We cannot afford to be dictatorial and dominating in our homes. 

Our children need to see loving, understanding fathers. Our relationship and treatment of our wives will in large part influence our children in how they perceive womanhood and the proper role of the priesthood in the home. When we are loving and respectful of womanhood and motherhood our young men will also. Our young women will know what to look for in a prospective husband as they begin to court people of interest.

We have been called to a priesthood responsibility to be fathers. And, yes, many are called, but, how many of us are chosen? To be “chosen” we must not exercise any degree of unrighteous dominion, pride, compulsion, etc.

In the Book of Ephesians, the Apostle Paul makes an analogy of Christ being the head of the church and how he sacrificed for the church with us as fathers needing to do likewise for our families. We must preside as the head of our families with the same love and devotion the Savior exercised over the early church members.

Section 121 goes on to tell us the qualities and virtues we must incorporate to be worthy of the Spirit in our lives:

Persuasion – We don’t compel. As fathers we need to reason with our children, using the scriptures, the words of the prophets, the revelation we are untitled to as the means to guide and instruct our children. 

On one occasion, when I was just a child, the story is told that I refused to go to church. My dad and mom tried to reason with me – persuade me. I was determined not to go. Consequently, my mother stayed home with me. After a while my mother could not find me. She was frantic until the family returned from church with me in hand, muddy from head to toe. I had walked a long way to church after playing in the front yard mud. I went because I had been lovingly persuaded to be where I was supposed to be. 

Long-suffering – We know of many instances in the scriptures and in our modern day life of how patience and prayer have made all the difference in the lives of our children. 

There are many Book of Mormon Stories of long-suffering. Consider Father Lehi. He never gave up; even on his death bed he was counseling his rebellious sons, Laman and Lemuel. 

We know the concerns and prayers of Alma were heard and miracles happened with his prodigal son that impacted the lives of tens of thousands of people.

I have a nephew that while growing up rebelled and turned from the teachings of his parents and the gospel. His parents were great examples of long-suffering. Even though their hearts were being broken, there was extraordinary patience displayed by his parents and many prayers said in his behalf. After a season of “riotous living”, he recognized the folly of his ways, repented and returned to the fold. 

This may not always happen in this world. In those cases it is well to recall the words of Elder Orson F. Whitney:

“The Prophet Joseph Smith declared-and he never taught more comforting doctrine-that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God” (Conference Report, April 1929). 

Gentleness – In a world that seems to reward hardness, the coarse and the irreverent, what a refreshing blessing it is to have a father that can display gentleness to his children. That gentleness encourages our children to feel comfortable with us – we are more approachable. 

I recall one of our daughters trying out for volleyball in high school. I was visiting with her in her room one night. She was emotional as she explained how difficult it was and that maybe the coach was not giving her enough attention. Looking back on this situation, I am embarrassed with how I responded. I said, You need to toughen up and stop being a cry-baby. Think more positive and work harder.” Brothers and Sisters, that was not what she needed to hear. 

Shortly after that incident I remember talking to another father in the ward. He mentioned how his son was struggling with football tryouts. He was not doing very well. He told me how he offered to give his son a father’s blessing. This seemed to make all the difference in the world and he made the team. How I wish I would have gently laid my hands on the head of my daughter and given her a father’s blessing!

Fathers, today more than ever, we need to be gentle and understanding with our children. That is exactly how the Savior would be. That model of gentleness needs to override the constant barrage of hardness the world preaches in unrelenting images.  

Meekness – One definition of meekness is “enduring injury with patience and without resentment”. Some times we feel we have been offended. Sometimes we wonder, “Why me?” when a terminal disease descends on our body. Sometimes we wonder about adversity in our lives. 

Meekness is not a weakness. One of the greatest lessons we can teach our children is dealing with and enduring the trials of this life without complaint. We need to demonstrate to our children that these trials are all part of life – all part of the refining fire to purge out our impurities and produce a person of strength and character. My dad use to always quote the famous line, “If life serves you a lemon, then, make lemonade out of it.”

Love unfeigned – When our love is genuine our children feel a confidence with us that opens the doors to a close relationship. When they know we love them, home is a place of refuge from life’s turbulent storms and the thunderous words and distractions of the world. “When the music is over, the lights are down and everyone has left the party” – in other words, when the world has failed them and they recognize there has only been shadow and no substance, our children must always know our unconditional love is continually there.

How wonderful and touching the Parable of the Prodigal Son: 

20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had a compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 

What a beautiful parable. Note that the father was obviously looking for his son. And then, when he saw him coming, from a great distance, toward home, he “ran” and embraced him and “kissed” him. Does this tell us anything about how we are to treat our precious children who have strayed?

There is tremendous imagery in this parable for all of us as we are prodigal children of our Heavenly Father from time to time. He is looking for us to turn from the world and come home. When we do, he comes running, ready to embrace us with his tender love. 

Kindness – Children learn behavior from their parents.  Maybe some of you have heard the story of the father shopping in a store with two of his children. The children were arguing and creating a scene. The older child was beating up on the younger sibling. The father separated the two and then began to spank the older child while saying, “I’ll teach you to beat your little brother.”

I personally believe one of the conditions of the last days will be an unprecedented level of violence in our society. Fathers can do so much to be examples of kindness in a world that so desperately needs the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” 

I can remember countless visits with my dad as he did his home teaching or visited people in our ward. He was a great example of kindness and unselfishness. As much as I disliked going, his example did a lot for me that I didn’t appreciate at the time, but, I am sure had a big influence on my life. 

Pure Knowledge – How wonderful it is when fathers can expound on the doctrines of the gospel as one who has had a witness from the Holy Ghost. With this witness, our knowledge is of more importance and use to our children. We speak with a confidence that we otherwise would not have. I can remember my father sharing his testimony of the gospel to his children. He referred to a passage of scripture in Matthew. Just like the Chief Apostle Peter knew by revelation that Jesus was the Christ, so did my dad. My dad’s testimony did not come from “flesh and blood”, but from revelation from his Heavenly Father. 

Reproving Betimes with Sharpness– While I was in 7th grade I made a series of trips down to the principal’s office. The first three visits are stern reprimands. On the fourth visit you received a good old fashioned spanking with a paddle. The next visit meant suspension from school. 

Let me preface the following remarks by plainly stating I was a “victim”. A lot of what I was blamed for actually was done by my evil twin brother. 

Anyway, I was suspended and my poor, sweet, angel mother had to come pick me up from school. Dad came home early from work. I knew I was in for some really big trouble. I don’t remember all of the details, but, I remember I got the message very forcibly of who I was and what was expected of me both as a Stevenson and as a son of our Heavenly Father. But, I also remember just as strongly the love shown to me after that message was delivered. I knew my dad loved me and wanted only the best for me. 

Charity – We must love our children with the same love that the Savior possesses. It is unconditional love. It is a love that motivates “sacrifice of all” for the good of our children. It is a love that says, “I want nothing but the very best for my son or daughter.” 

I remember the story told by my sister who went on a Daddy-Daughter date as a young girl.  Dad had purchased her a beautiful new dress. She tells of how elated she was to be the only one with dad for lunch. I know that as a police officer raising seven children, dad did not have a lot of discretionary money. As they left the cafeteria holding Kathy’s hand, he said, “Oh how I wish I had some money to buy you a pair of new red shoes.” 

That is a rather temporal example, but, the point is, Dad only wanted the best for his children. He was willing to make whatever sacrifice he needed to make, in behalf of his children. He loved like the Savior – unselfishly and unconditionally. 

Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts– The Spirit of our Heavenly Father, the Holy Ghost, cannot dwell in unclean tabernacles. “Be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord.” We live in a day and age where immorality, lewdness and pornography seemingly surround us in epidemic proportions.

The world is becoming more and more accepting of pornography which is ruining the lives and families of millions.  

Fathers must set the example of avoiding immorality and pornography like the plague that it is. When we cultivate and nurture a relationship with the Spirit – when we are born again, we tremble at the thought of sin. As fathers, we must be at that level. We must instill in the minds of our children the detrimental effects of sin and especially pornography. 

There is no compromise if we are to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost in our lives. 

As fathers we must be the best examples of the 13th article of Faith that we can possibly be:

being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing egoodto all men… If there is anything hvirtuous, ilovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

While the admonitions we receive in Section 121 are demanding, they are attainable. We should also remember that the great blessings promised in Section 121 also richly compensate us for our efforts to exercise our priesthood wisely.

· Thy confidence shall wax strong in the presence of God. What a great blessing to know we stand approved by our Heavenly Father. We know when His Spirit is with us and guiding us in our duties as a father. With that kind of confidence we can face any challenge, trial or tribulation.

· The doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul.  I have learned from personal experience that just like water takes time to distil upon the plants around us throughout the night, that our knowledge of the doctrine of the priesthood gradually, but oh so surely, builds over time – especially as we implement the counsel given us in the scriptures.

· The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion. With all the challenges of raising a family, is there a greater gift than the companionship of the Holy Ghost?  Elder Bruce R. McKonkie said, “The gift of the Holy Ghost is the greatest of all the gifts of God, as pertaining to this life…”

· Unchanging scepter of righteousness. Because of our obedience and bringing our thoughts, words and actions in line with the will of the Lord, we will be seen by our families as “anchors” of the gospel amid a storm-tossed sea. There will be constancy amid a world in constant change. 

· Thy dominion an everlasting dominion. Our posterity will extend far into eternity. The joy we will have with our loved ones in the Celestial Kingdom is indescribable. We are told in the Doctrine and Covenants:

That same asocialitywhich exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with beternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.

In conclusion, I would like to share a fascinating story that also has a powerful message.

Joshua Bell is an internationally acclaimed violinist. He has received award after award for his gift of playing the violin to a level rarely seen and heard in our day. As part of an experiment in social behavior, researchers asked Joshua Bell to play his Stradivarius violin in a subway station in Washington D.C., acting as a homeless person performing for money. This is in the same city where he fills the Kennedy Center for tens of thousands of dollars. 

It was interesting to note that over the course of 45 minutes, only a handful of people stop for at least a minute. Over 1,070 people completely ignored the performance and rushed off to their respective tasks. They were in such a hurry to get to their jobs or other activities that they did not recognize 

one of the greatest musicians of our time 

playing the great masterpiece music 

from the greatest composers in history.

As fathers, we cannot pass by the beautiful masterpiece of our families. They are the most precious jewels we possess from this earthly experience. An eternal symphony awaits each of us as we take the time to listen, absorb and assimilate their lives with ours. 

The greatest blessings available to mankind are ours as we learn 

from the scriptures, 

the Holy Ghost, and, 

the prophets and apostles, 

how to exercise our priesthood responsibilities as fathers. 

It is my hope and prayer that we will be victorious in magnifying this important calling of “Father”.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

So many times, we focus on the church callings and missionary activities of our early Church leaders. In our own family, we talk a lot about William Holmes Walker, Edward Stevenson and James Gunn McKay. Their histories are replete with faith-promoting stories. But, what about the women who were left behind to manage a household bursting with children?

It is difficult to imagine the burden our women ancestors were called to bear as their spouses left on long journeys that amounted to years away from home. The pioneer frontier was hard enough for the men to tame. Building homes, planting crops, fixing farm equipment, managing livestock and a hundred other things were arduous tasks. Without a man in the house, how could our women ancestors assume the management of the homestead and continue raising and nurturing the children?

In my opinion, not enough can be said about these incredible, dedicated and gritty women. None of them gave up. All of them stayed faithful tp their testimonies and supported their husbands in their efforts to help gather Israel. After a long hard day, they gathered the family and knelt in prayer. They sang the songs of Zion together. They taught the children from the scriptures. They made sure they had food to eat. They had them clean and tidy for Church every Sunday. They did what they had to every day to make sure the needs of the family were being met.

I believe the day will come when the Lord thanks each one of them with a warm embrace and tear-filled eyes of the deepest gratitude.

And today we see so many single mothers who have the daunting challenge of raising children alone. They have employment during the day and then come home tired. Yet, they still have work to do – cook meals, do the wash, help with homework, housework, etc. Their husbands may be gone from the home, but the needs of the family linger on. 

As modern-day priesthood holders and sisters in the Relief Society, we need to be extra mindful of these sisters who are saddled with so many challenges. What can any of us do to help make their life easier and more comfortable?  This should be an important agenda item in our ward councils, bishopric meetings, home ministering interviews, family home evenings, etc.

Our Stevenson family mothers today, with husbands in the home, are incredibly strong. I am so impressed when I look at what they do with each of their families. They do so much! Our grandchildren are truly blessed with faithful, loyal, valiant, intelligent, loving, nurturing mothers that are making such a difference in the world.

We are so grateful for their strength and stellar examples!